Better Late Than

Never.

So this post is late but whatever I was really enjoying my time off work! That one day was all I needed to feel completely awesome about everything.

I've moved on to the point in the summer where I start freaking out about college stuff though. At this point, I feel like because I have experienced a year away from home, I know what works and what doesn't. While it's refreshing to be able to prepare for a year away with the collective experience of this past year, it also gives me this insane expectation that everything about this year has to go absolutely perfect. I know it won't, but for whatever reason, I'm having a really hard time accepting the fact that despite my efforts, I will have to deal with plenty of unexpected challenges.

My biggest fear is that one of them will be making and keeping friends. When I started school last year, I had one close friend that I could always rely on for anytime I needed anything from a hug to a buddy to run to the grocery store with. Since then, we've grown apart and while I do miss having that sense of comfort and reassurance, I love that I've gotten more time to focus on bettering myself. I have a somewhat new (or maybe just intensified) view on life that forces me to rely a lot more on myself and I've begin to understand the value of putting in hard work now combined with the patience of waiting for good things to happen as a result. While I'm very happy with these changes, I have to admit that bringing them about caused me to move relationships to the back burner and ending the relationship with that close friend was the first step. Although I can think of a hundred ways that I want to improve myself, I need to put the focus back on maintaining close friendships and finding a balance between introspection and interpersonal relations.

I want to come home from first semester with a college experience that I can be proud of. I want to have good grades, a decent amount of money saved, a set of friends that I'm proud to call my own and the confidence that these things are here to stay because I put effort into making them happen.

At this moment, I feel anxious but prepared. I'm confident that if I focus and remain in touch with these goals, they should be completely attainable.

Wish me luck!

Love,

Ranjini